This blog has been compromised. The viewership of this blog has extended far beyond my intended audience, and thus the integrity of my thoughts and rants has now been tarnished. Thus, I shall no longer be updating this blog. Perhaps I'll write a new blog? If you find out, you'll know.
Kudos to everyone, and thank you for reading!
Monday, 21 October 2013
Sunday, 1 September 2013
On PDAF
I'll just give a brief two cents on the Priority Development Assistance Fund (PDAF) aka the Pork Barrel. No doubt much news has escalated over the internet with regards to the perceived corruption undertaken through this system. Many have asked about the next step that should be undertaken with regards to PDAF? Should it be abolished? Should it be reformed? If abolished, what about the ongoing projects that are being funded by pork? If it shall be reformed, how so? Will it be prone to corruption in another form?
Here's my take on the whole issue. First of all, what many people fail to realize is that we are under a presidential system. In most presidential republics, there is a concept of "separation of powers" in government. The three branches, the executive, the legislative and the judiciary, each perform respective responsibilities to ensure that efficient and transparent administration of the state. The executive is in charge of running the daily activities of the state, such as project implementation, foreign policy, heading the armed forces of the country, and other responsibilities in charge with direct administration. The legislative, in term, is in charge of passing bills, as well repealing and amending laws, which are then implemented by the executive in the daily governance of the state. Lastly, the judiciary is in charge of interpreting and applying the laws passed by legislation, particularly in criminal and civil cases. The different branches are independent in our presidential system, which prevents one branch from having too much power. The different branches serves as "checks and balances" for each other, allowing for safety mechanisms if one branch starts to "abuse" their powers or office, such as in the case of the Senate being in charge of Corona's impeachment. Personally, I disagree with this system of government, as I'm more for a parliamentary system akin to the Westminster system, as it keeps the government directly accountable to the people (through the dependence of the executive on the legislative, which is voted per constituency). This isn't the venue to talk about it, though I might talk about it in more detail at another time.
The Priority Development Assistance Fund (PDAF) is an appropriation given to members of the legislative branch for implementing projects. Anyone who has a basic understanding of how the government is meant to work realizes innately why PDAF shouldn't exist. The legislation is not in charge of implementing projects! We do not elect congressmen or senators to produce waiting sheds or to fund scholarships. We elect them to write laws, to represent the constituencies and produce laws that will benefit the constituencies. If one seeks to maintain the integrity of "separation of powers" then one must abolish PDAF, as this gives the executive a major sway of influence over the law making body, which may supersede the democratic processs that got those congressmen elected in the first place.
I don't give a fuck about the lost scholarships or the miscontinued projects that PDAF abolition would lead to. These should go through proper avenues, and congress isn't it. Why not allocate more funds to education? We're 3% away from the recommended 6% budget allocation given by UN? Why not allocate more funds to DILG or DPWH or DOTC? Pork is just a way of kissing up to a congressman's constituency to ensure reelection, since passing laws isn't visible enough for the general populace to see and appreciate. If they wanted to do projects, they should have run for mayor or governor instead. Alas, these positions don't have deep pockets of pork, pockets that serve to be very lucrative given the right politicking. Grr.
*sigh* When will our politics grow up?
Disclaimer: I am not a political science major, so I apologize for any errors I might have written. These are just merely opinions on my part, opinions driven partially by my own frustration with the system of government we have right now as well as my anger in knowing that the hard earned taxes that I pay for every month go to idiots who still have the time to be on television, while doing mediocre jobs as senators and keeping public money for their private coffers.
Here's my take on the whole issue. First of all, what many people fail to realize is that we are under a presidential system. In most presidential republics, there is a concept of "separation of powers" in government. The three branches, the executive, the legislative and the judiciary, each perform respective responsibilities to ensure that efficient and transparent administration of the state. The executive is in charge of running the daily activities of the state, such as project implementation, foreign policy, heading the armed forces of the country, and other responsibilities in charge with direct administration. The legislative, in term, is in charge of passing bills, as well repealing and amending laws, which are then implemented by the executive in the daily governance of the state. Lastly, the judiciary is in charge of interpreting and applying the laws passed by legislation, particularly in criminal and civil cases. The different branches are independent in our presidential system, which prevents one branch from having too much power. The different branches serves as "checks and balances" for each other, allowing for safety mechanisms if one branch starts to "abuse" their powers or office, such as in the case of the Senate being in charge of Corona's impeachment. Personally, I disagree with this system of government, as I'm more for a parliamentary system akin to the Westminster system, as it keeps the government directly accountable to the people (through the dependence of the executive on the legislative, which is voted per constituency). This isn't the venue to talk about it, though I might talk about it in more detail at another time.
The Priority Development Assistance Fund (PDAF) is an appropriation given to members of the legislative branch for implementing projects. Anyone who has a basic understanding of how the government is meant to work realizes innately why PDAF shouldn't exist. The legislation is not in charge of implementing projects! We do not elect congressmen or senators to produce waiting sheds or to fund scholarships. We elect them to write laws, to represent the constituencies and produce laws that will benefit the constituencies. If one seeks to maintain the integrity of "separation of powers" then one must abolish PDAF, as this gives the executive a major sway of influence over the law making body, which may supersede the democratic processs that got those congressmen elected in the first place.
I don't give a fuck about the lost scholarships or the miscontinued projects that PDAF abolition would lead to. These should go through proper avenues, and congress isn't it. Why not allocate more funds to education? We're 3% away from the recommended 6% budget allocation given by UN? Why not allocate more funds to DILG or DPWH or DOTC? Pork is just a way of kissing up to a congressman's constituency to ensure reelection, since passing laws isn't visible enough for the general populace to see and appreciate. If they wanted to do projects, they should have run for mayor or governor instead. Alas, these positions don't have deep pockets of pork, pockets that serve to be very lucrative given the right politicking. Grr.
*sigh* When will our politics grow up?
Disclaimer: I am not a political science major, so I apologize for any errors I might have written. These are just merely opinions on my part, opinions driven partially by my own frustration with the system of government we have right now as well as my anger in knowing that the hard earned taxes that I pay for every month go to idiots who still have the time to be on television, while doing mediocre jobs as senators and keeping public money for their private coffers.
On hindsight.
I suppose many of us have ruminated on the possibility of meeting up with your past self when you reach a pivotal age in your life. We've all had dreams and aspirations growing up, and the more idealistic among us tend to set goals, or "things I should have accomplished at this point in my life", failing to realize, due to our naiveity and immaturity, that life never gives us what we want on a silver platter, and that the so called priorities and ambitions that one has a child are never set in stone. Growing up exposes you to a variety of stimuli and influences, some of which may steer your life in a direction Furthermore, we barely know any better as children (I use this term loosely), and thus our ambitions in life tend to be narrow, juvenile and extremely idealistic.
Throughout my childhood I was miles ahead of my peers, who either lacked the motivation to be successful in life or already had their futures set in stone (coming from rich, Caucasian or Chinese families, it's hard to blame them). Because of this, and partially due to my parent's influence, I groomed myself into pursuing a medical career. Whenever I'd need to go to the doctor, I'd exhibit the enthusiasm not usually seen in those afflicted by illness, due to my excitement to ask our family doctors all sorts of questions about the field of medicine.
I became extremely fond of biology in high school, enamored by the elegance of life and its rich diversity, as well as the brilliance in which organisms have organized themselves from such humble beginnings. Perhaps this was due to watching Nat Geo, Discovery and Animal Planet throughout my childhood? That wouldn't surprise me in the slightest. I loved studying evolution, and how brilliant minds like Lamarck and Darwin sought to explain the reason as to how life came to be how it is today, and I enjoyed the computational aspects of genetics, and how ingenius Mendel was with his Pisum breeding experiments. Despite this enamoration for biology, I still had medicine in mind for the long run. But deep down, a fascination for the pure science of biology remained, so when I filed out my UPCAT and USTET forms, I put BS Biology as my first choice for both, with the mentality that if I was not going to pursue medicine, I wouldn't want to be involved in the health sciences at all, as I would refuse to work underneath doctors, knowing that if I had the opportunity I should be working alongside them, not under them.
College was an eye-opener for me. For starters, my world view changed. Let's backtrack a little bit. When I was in late elementary, around 10-12 years of age, I started becoming internet savvy. This, couple with the facts that I loved Pokemon and that I was still living in a culturally "English" household led me to join a British Pokemon website known as pkmn.co.uk (It's now known as pkmn.net. It's still up, and my account still works, though the forums aren't as active as they used to be). The community was extremely vibrant, with numerous age groups conversing about a wide array of matters not limited to Pokemon. As a British website however, it reflected general British sentiments and popular opinions. This was when I was first introduced to atheism. One bloke, Phil Mccauley (his username was "irrevilent") was really firm on his atheism, debating the theists left, right and center. As a Catholic growing up (Dad never talked about religion, keeping his beliefs to himself, though I suspect that he was an atheist) I felt extremely offended and insulted by his arguments. But, he made sense, he made perfect sense, and it really struck me. Alas, my emotional crutch for religion and the implications of not having a god (When I die, I cease to exist?) prevented reason from getting the better of me, and I stuck with religion. Once that shimmer of doubt has been triggered in your head however, it never stops, and it just kept ticking and ticking and ticking indefinitely. Despite this, I continued to live my delusion, and even joined my local church's music ministry.
When my father died in July 2005, my faith was shaken tremendously. How could a benevolent and omnipotent God allow something like this to happen to me? The emotional turmoil distracted me from my education, and I lost my scholarship. Furthermore, my mother continued to struggle with her nicotine addiction, and the shock of my father's death lead to her developing heart conditions. Up to this day she still takes stroke medicine and blood pressure maintenance medication, and it hasn't been pleasant. I learned about theodicies, and though none of the explanations given by apologists seemed satisfyingly sound, I eventually just stuck with the faith, after all, what was there to lose? Perhaps Pascal's Wager had an influence on my naive mind, since the mathematics made sense to me at the time. Either way, it was clear, I believed in God, but I never "liked" him. I prayed, but I prayed in the sense of a slave begging to a master. There was no affection in it, and I felt like a pawn. It was not a happy time in my life.
Come college. I stopped going to church in college, and I broke up with my super-conservative girlfriend. I had no religious influences whatsoever. I learned of a group called the Filipino Freethinkers which just formed a few months prior to me going to college. I followed their blog entries avidly and was fascinated that a group could be so passionate about causes that, at first seemed odd for me, as I assumed they were a given in society, but then upon further research, I realized how necessary the fight is for them. Reason. Secularism. Science. This led me to discovering Dawkins and Hitchens, as well as watching numerous debates on Youtube with regards to secularism and the new atheist movement. This, coupled with conversations with my friends Dhainee Pfafflin and Cleve Arguelles, as well as watching Letting Go of God in the FF Film Fest, cemented the deal for me, and I finally learned to let go of God.
Upon letting go of God, I had new questions to ask. "Where did we come from, then?" I gained and garnered an extreme fascination for evolutionary biology in the latter years of my undergraduate life. I fell in love with the concepts studied in the Neo-Darwinian synthesis, and watching Creation starring Paul Bettany moved me in ways I didn't deem possible at the time. Biology made me intellectually and spiritually satisfied as an atheist, and it gave me a sense of wonder and awe about the earth and life like no other.
How does this all connect to my starting paragraph? I was a devout, aspiring doctor wannabe as a young lad, and now I'm a strong atheist, working at a science museum, and from the looks of things, I'll be pursuing an evol bio/ethology track as my career/research path of choice. Upon hindsight, it saddens me that I'm not pursuing a path that I longed for my whole life. At times I wish I could warn my past self of all the things to happen to prepare him for things ahead. In all honesty, if I knew where I'd be at this point in my life I would have done things very differently in the past. I don't want to live my life in regret. I've never been one to think of the "what ifs". I just wish I knew better in the past. I wish I had proper objective, reasoned guidance. I hated the indoctrination I had as a kid. I hate how opportunities were never opened up to me. I wish a child wasn't trusted with decisions he obviously was to naive to make. If I had children, I wouldn't bring them up like how I was brought.
*sigh* Perhaps I have more regrets than I thought. I'm just grateful that I know better now. Or at least, I'd like to think that I do.
Throughout my childhood I was miles ahead of my peers, who either lacked the motivation to be successful in life or already had their futures set in stone (coming from rich, Caucasian or Chinese families, it's hard to blame them). Because of this, and partially due to my parent's influence, I groomed myself into pursuing a medical career. Whenever I'd need to go to the doctor, I'd exhibit the enthusiasm not usually seen in those afflicted by illness, due to my excitement to ask our family doctors all sorts of questions about the field of medicine.
I became extremely fond of biology in high school, enamored by the elegance of life and its rich diversity, as well as the brilliance in which organisms have organized themselves from such humble beginnings. Perhaps this was due to watching Nat Geo, Discovery and Animal Planet throughout my childhood? That wouldn't surprise me in the slightest. I loved studying evolution, and how brilliant minds like Lamarck and Darwin sought to explain the reason as to how life came to be how it is today, and I enjoyed the computational aspects of genetics, and how ingenius Mendel was with his Pisum breeding experiments. Despite this enamoration for biology, I still had medicine in mind for the long run. But deep down, a fascination for the pure science of biology remained, so when I filed out my UPCAT and USTET forms, I put BS Biology as my first choice for both, with the mentality that if I was not going to pursue medicine, I wouldn't want to be involved in the health sciences at all, as I would refuse to work underneath doctors, knowing that if I had the opportunity I should be working alongside them, not under them.
College was an eye-opener for me. For starters, my world view changed. Let's backtrack a little bit. When I was in late elementary, around 10-12 years of age, I started becoming internet savvy. This, couple with the facts that I loved Pokemon and that I was still living in a culturally "English" household led me to join a British Pokemon website known as pkmn.co.uk (It's now known as pkmn.net. It's still up, and my account still works, though the forums aren't as active as they used to be). The community was extremely vibrant, with numerous age groups conversing about a wide array of matters not limited to Pokemon. As a British website however, it reflected general British sentiments and popular opinions. This was when I was first introduced to atheism. One bloke, Phil Mccauley (his username was "irrevilent") was really firm on his atheism, debating the theists left, right and center. As a Catholic growing up (Dad never talked about religion, keeping his beliefs to himself, though I suspect that he was an atheist) I felt extremely offended and insulted by his arguments. But, he made sense, he made perfect sense, and it really struck me. Alas, my emotional crutch for religion and the implications of not having a god (When I die, I cease to exist?) prevented reason from getting the better of me, and I stuck with religion. Once that shimmer of doubt has been triggered in your head however, it never stops, and it just kept ticking and ticking and ticking indefinitely. Despite this, I continued to live my delusion, and even joined my local church's music ministry.
When my father died in July 2005, my faith was shaken tremendously. How could a benevolent and omnipotent God allow something like this to happen to me? The emotional turmoil distracted me from my education, and I lost my scholarship. Furthermore, my mother continued to struggle with her nicotine addiction, and the shock of my father's death lead to her developing heart conditions. Up to this day she still takes stroke medicine and blood pressure maintenance medication, and it hasn't been pleasant. I learned about theodicies, and though none of the explanations given by apologists seemed satisfyingly sound, I eventually just stuck with the faith, after all, what was there to lose? Perhaps Pascal's Wager had an influence on my naive mind, since the mathematics made sense to me at the time. Either way, it was clear, I believed in God, but I never "liked" him. I prayed, but I prayed in the sense of a slave begging to a master. There was no affection in it, and I felt like a pawn. It was not a happy time in my life.
Come college. I stopped going to church in college, and I broke up with my super-conservative girlfriend. I had no religious influences whatsoever. I learned of a group called the Filipino Freethinkers which just formed a few months prior to me going to college. I followed their blog entries avidly and was fascinated that a group could be so passionate about causes that, at first seemed odd for me, as I assumed they were a given in society, but then upon further research, I realized how necessary the fight is for them. Reason. Secularism. Science. This led me to discovering Dawkins and Hitchens, as well as watching numerous debates on Youtube with regards to secularism and the new atheist movement. This, coupled with conversations with my friends Dhainee Pfafflin and Cleve Arguelles, as well as watching Letting Go of God in the FF Film Fest, cemented the deal for me, and I finally learned to let go of God.
Upon letting go of God, I had new questions to ask. "Where did we come from, then?" I gained and garnered an extreme fascination for evolutionary biology in the latter years of my undergraduate life. I fell in love with the concepts studied in the Neo-Darwinian synthesis, and watching Creation starring Paul Bettany moved me in ways I didn't deem possible at the time. Biology made me intellectually and spiritually satisfied as an atheist, and it gave me a sense of wonder and awe about the earth and life like no other.
How does this all connect to my starting paragraph? I was a devout, aspiring doctor wannabe as a young lad, and now I'm a strong atheist, working at a science museum, and from the looks of things, I'll be pursuing an evol bio/ethology track as my career/research path of choice. Upon hindsight, it saddens me that I'm not pursuing a path that I longed for my whole life. At times I wish I could warn my past self of all the things to happen to prepare him for things ahead. In all honesty, if I knew where I'd be at this point in my life I would have done things very differently in the past. I don't want to live my life in regret. I've never been one to think of the "what ifs". I just wish I knew better in the past. I wish I had proper objective, reasoned guidance. I hated the indoctrination I had as a kid. I hate how opportunities were never opened up to me. I wish a child wasn't trusted with decisions he obviously was to naive to make. If I had children, I wouldn't bring them up like how I was brought.
*sigh* Perhaps I have more regrets than I thought. I'm just grateful that I know better now. Or at least, I'd like to think that I do.
Wednesday, 14 August 2013
I dunno. I don't want to assume anything, I really don't. But I swear to god I keep getting mixed signals so I have no clue how to proceed. Maybe I'm just being played? Lol that'd be funny. Or maybe I'm just being an assuming little twat? Look Will. She's pretty much taken bro, don't think too much on it. And anyway you're dating someone else anyway so get a hold of your self. Then again, the sitch with the girl you've been dating is extremely casual (you're one among six bro hahaha) so don't think too much on that either.
Meh, have fun Will. Have fun.
Meh, have fun Will. Have fun.
Wednesday, 7 August 2013
Spontaneity
For the record, I'm just going to go all out with my blog starting from now on. Anything that comes to mind I'll write it down (if I feel like it of course). I think I can only really be truly honest with myself if I do things spontaneously. I tend to overthink and overanalyze, which eventually stops me from being true to myself. I was going through some past blog drafts that I never published, and I realized that they were truest to myself that I've ever been (then again I usually write them under the influence HAHA). So now, whenever thoughts come to mind, and they're worth writing about, no matter how absurd or controversial it may be, I should write it down. Anyway, frequency beats out length any day. (he he he)
Solitude.
My work life is honestly so much more lenient compared to my undergraduate life, leaving me with a lot of free time to myself (minus the work hours). I barely take home work from the office (after all, I'm not being paid out of work) so I only really work 45 hours a week. Coupled with the fact that my job gives me a lot of freedom, I have a lot of free time, and more importantly, free thoughts. The work place is fun, but it can only go so far as to satisfy my social needs, particularly since it's such a small foundation (we're totaling at 50 if you include everyone there, including the outsourced people) and since I'm the new kid on the block, it's not exactly easy penetrating the cliques instantly. It's all good though.
However, I won't deny that I've been feeling rather lonely as of late. I'm a guy from the province, thus my primary social circle here in the Metro revolved around my college life. Now that I've graduated from college, and all my friends have proceeded to medical school, my circle of friends has gotten really really slim. They've all found new friends, or even if they haven't, their hectic schedules in med really eats up all their time. Thus, I never get to see any of my friends. It sucks. My life has started to become routinary, I get up, I shower, go to work, do my work stuff, go home, rest, sleep. Rinse and repeat. I miss having the constant companionship I had in undergrad. I never ran out of company in college, there was always someone to hang out with, be it blockmates, org mates, coursemates, or just friends and acquaintances. Not to mention my love life was relatively more active in college. People weren't kidding when they say that college is the best time of your life.
I keep telling myself that I want to settle into my single life, save up cash, spend time and money on myself for once, and slowly plot the direction of my life right now. But a small part of me does long for companionship. A girlfriend? Perhaps. Mainly I just need someone to talk to. Have a few drinks and cigarettes with. Mental stimulation that is outside the work place (honestly with work colleagues, they're good friends but you always seem to end up talking about work, and well, it's nice to have a break from that, you know?) Company, to put it briefly. I had shit loads in college and high school. I dunno. Perhaps when I move out of Malate I'll be able to sort my life out properly. As Pecier said, I still haven't cut my UP Manila umbilical cord. Haha. Meh. Whatever.
However, I won't deny that I've been feeling rather lonely as of late. I'm a guy from the province, thus my primary social circle here in the Metro revolved around my college life. Now that I've graduated from college, and all my friends have proceeded to medical school, my circle of friends has gotten really really slim. They've all found new friends, or even if they haven't, their hectic schedules in med really eats up all their time. Thus, I never get to see any of my friends. It sucks. My life has started to become routinary, I get up, I shower, go to work, do my work stuff, go home, rest, sleep. Rinse and repeat. I miss having the constant companionship I had in undergrad. I never ran out of company in college, there was always someone to hang out with, be it blockmates, org mates, coursemates, or just friends and acquaintances. Not to mention my love life was relatively more active in college. People weren't kidding when they say that college is the best time of your life.
I keep telling myself that I want to settle into my single life, save up cash, spend time and money on myself for once, and slowly plot the direction of my life right now. But a small part of me does long for companionship. A girlfriend? Perhaps. Mainly I just need someone to talk to. Have a few drinks and cigarettes with. Mental stimulation that is outside the work place (honestly with work colleagues, they're good friends but you always seem to end up talking about work, and well, it's nice to have a break from that, you know?) Company, to put it briefly. I had shit loads in college and high school. I dunno. Perhaps when I move out of Malate I'll be able to sort my life out properly. As Pecier said, I still haven't cut my UP Manila umbilical cord. Haha. Meh. Whatever.
Thursday, 1 August 2013
Reminiscence
Riding the jeep home today, it was odd that my thoughts came across JM. After all this time I still wonder what would life be like if things went differently between the two of us. I guess I'm still hungover somewhat. I do miss her, the time we spent "dating" was short but it was extremely sweet. I jumped the gun, I won't deny that, and if I could do things again I would have. Alas, things didn't work out, and I wish I could go back and change those silly mistakes I've made. I've learned from them now, and well, it has changed me a great deal.
I tried texting her a few weeks ago, just a simple hi, and the words "litmus test" in parentheses, just to see if it would pique her curiosity (the text was, after all, meant to be a litmus test to see if she'd even bother corresponding). She didn't reply, and I guess she wants nothing to do with me now. Funny, we had so much in common and now she doesn't even want to talk to me. Life's tragic that way huh? If you're reading this now J, or any of the friends you shared it with, all I want is to be friends, cause it's such a waste I think. But hey, if not, who am I to force it.
On the topic of reminiscing, a few weeks ago I was talking with PA. It's good that we're pretty good friends now, I mean we share our stories and problems and stuff, and we now open up to each other. It was funny, she told me that she actually liked me in a point of her life. Apparently before I knew she even existed. Ha ha ha. If only it coincided with the point in my life when I was attracted to her. Women. Can't live with em. :)) Honestly I'd still be open to dating her, just to see how it goes, but given how she views me now (apparently I'm a "player" in her eyes, I have no clue where she got that from, she won't say either, so whatever), I doubt that'll happen any time soon. Oh wait, she can read this too. Hi P! If you're interested ha! =P
A few days ago I wrote an entry about making amends with everyone I've wronged. That was a general statement, since I have wronged a lot of people (come on, everyone does at some point in their life, I mean the sheer diversity of the human emotional spectrum would eventually lead to at least one person that'll dislike you for some, odd, uncontrollable reason). One person I really want to make amends with is my ex, PC. I've wronged a few girls as well, but I've made peace with all of them, except for her. It's a shame, honestly. Despite the lack of emotional compatibility, which we resolved, we did have a certain intellectual understanding between us. It was fun talking to her about stuff that honestly I couldn't talk to with a lot of people. I guess I miss the intellectual company, and having her as a friend as well. Maybe one of these days I'll try to make amends, but honestly I don't know how to bring that up. Perhaps I should wait for time to heal the wounds some more? Or perhaps I should just accept the fact that some wounds don't heal? Meh, we'll see.
In the mean time though I just want to settle in to my lifestyle. The independent single life is extremely liberating, and honestly it's awesome having money to spend on myself. The problem now is I never have time to spend for myself. Hahaha. I hope by the time I do get time and money, I'll also have the eagerness or the capability to enjoy myself. Time will tell. Time will tell. As of now though I don't mind just going out dating, meeting people, and slowly finding someone I can settle with. Emphasis on the slowly, since I'm really in no rush now. Shame I barely have the time to. Hahahaha. FML.
I tried texting her a few weeks ago, just a simple hi, and the words "litmus test" in parentheses, just to see if it would pique her curiosity (the text was, after all, meant to be a litmus test to see if she'd even bother corresponding). She didn't reply, and I guess she wants nothing to do with me now. Funny, we had so much in common and now she doesn't even want to talk to me. Life's tragic that way huh? If you're reading this now J, or any of the friends you shared it with, all I want is to be friends, cause it's such a waste I think. But hey, if not, who am I to force it.
On the topic of reminiscing, a few weeks ago I was talking with PA. It's good that we're pretty good friends now, I mean we share our stories and problems and stuff, and we now open up to each other. It was funny, she told me that she actually liked me in a point of her life. Apparently before I knew she even existed. Ha ha ha. If only it coincided with the point in my life when I was attracted to her. Women. Can't live with em. :)) Honestly I'd still be open to dating her, just to see how it goes, but given how she views me now (apparently I'm a "player" in her eyes, I have no clue where she got that from, she won't say either, so whatever), I doubt that'll happen any time soon. Oh wait, she can read this too. Hi P! If you're interested ha! =P
A few days ago I wrote an entry about making amends with everyone I've wronged. That was a general statement, since I have wronged a lot of people (come on, everyone does at some point in their life, I mean the sheer diversity of the human emotional spectrum would eventually lead to at least one person that'll dislike you for some, odd, uncontrollable reason). One person I really want to make amends with is my ex, PC. I've wronged a few girls as well, but I've made peace with all of them, except for her. It's a shame, honestly. Despite the lack of emotional compatibility, which we resolved, we did have a certain intellectual understanding between us. It was fun talking to her about stuff that honestly I couldn't talk to with a lot of people. I guess I miss the intellectual company, and having her as a friend as well. Maybe one of these days I'll try to make amends, but honestly I don't know how to bring that up. Perhaps I should wait for time to heal the wounds some more? Or perhaps I should just accept the fact that some wounds don't heal? Meh, we'll see.
In the mean time though I just want to settle in to my lifestyle. The independent single life is extremely liberating, and honestly it's awesome having money to spend on myself. The problem now is I never have time to spend for myself. Hahaha. I hope by the time I do get time and money, I'll also have the eagerness or the capability to enjoy myself. Time will tell. Time will tell. As of now though I don't mind just going out dating, meeting people, and slowly finding someone I can settle with. Emphasis on the slowly, since I'm really in no rush now. Shame I barely have the time to. Hahahaha. FML.
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