Reminiscence

Riding the jeep home today, it was odd that my thoughts came across JM. After all this time I still wonder what would life be like if things went differently between the two of us. I guess I'm still hungover somewhat. I do miss her, the time we spent "dating" was short but it was extremely sweet. I jumped the gun, I won't deny that, and if I could do things again I would have. Alas, things didn't work out, and I wish I could go back and change those silly mistakes I've made. I've learned from them now, and well, it has changed me a great deal.

I tried texting her a few weeks ago, just a simple hi, and the words "litmus test" in parentheses, just to see if it would pique her curiosity (the text was, after all, meant to be a litmus test to see if she'd even bother corresponding). She didn't reply, and I guess she wants nothing to do with me now. Funny, we had so much in common and now she doesn't even want to talk to me. Life's tragic that way huh? If you're reading this now J, or any of the friends you shared it with, all I want is to be friends, cause it's such a waste I think. But hey, if not, who am I to force it.

On the topic of reminiscing, a few weeks ago I was talking with PA. It's good that we're pretty good friends now, I mean we share our stories and problems and stuff, and we now open up to each other. It was funny, she told me that she actually liked me in a point of her life. Apparently before I knew she even existed. Ha ha ha. If only it coincided with the point in my life when I was attracted to her. Women. Can't live with em. :)) Honestly I'd still be open to dating her, just to see how it goes, but given how she views me now (apparently I'm a "player" in her eyes, I have no clue where she got that from, she won't say either, so whatever), I doubt that'll happen any time soon. Oh wait, she can read this too. Hi P! If you're interested ha! =P

A few days ago I wrote an entry about making amends with everyone I've wronged. That was a general statement, since I have wronged a lot of people (come on, everyone does at some point in their life, I mean the sheer diversity of the human emotional spectrum would eventually lead to at least one person that'll dislike you for some, odd, uncontrollable reason). One person I really want to make amends with is my ex, PC. I've wronged a few girls as well, but I've made peace with all of them, except for her. It's a shame, honestly. Despite the lack of emotional compatibility, which we resolved, we did have a certain intellectual understanding between us. It was fun talking to her about stuff that honestly I couldn't talk to with a lot of people. I guess I miss the intellectual company, and having her as a friend as well. Maybe one of these days I'll try to make amends, but honestly I don't know how to bring that up. Perhaps I should wait for time to heal the wounds some more? Or perhaps I should just accept the fact that some wounds don't heal? Meh, we'll see.

In the mean time though I just want to settle in to my lifestyle. The independent single life is extremely liberating, and honestly it's awesome having money to spend on myself. The problem now is I never have time to spend for myself. Hahaha. I hope by the time I do get time and money, I'll also have the eagerness or the capability to enjoy myself. Time will tell. Time will tell. As of now though I don't mind just going out dating, meeting people, and slowly finding someone I can settle with. Emphasis on the slowly, since I'm really in no rush now. Shame I barely have the time to. Hahahaha. FML.