Two roads diverged in a wood and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.

The paradigm of a typical biology major's career path in the Philippines is, more often that not, med school. That is apparent by (or perhaps it leads to) the clear lack of biology industries in the country, the lack of PRC regulation for our degree, and the sheer lack of jobs for my colleagues in the field of biological research and application, minus the RA and teaching positions that come from our universities. Simply put, BS Biology in the Philippines is pretty much just labelled as a "premed" and in all honesty, it's a pretty shitty premed at that (except for the NMAT, we fricking dominate on it).

What's worse about this scenario though is the fact that there is a clear brain-drain in the field of biology, with most of the graduates, trained in the numerous fields of biology, such as ecology, physiology, genetics, and molecular biology, end up not using or applying these skills in their trades, and thus leading to a lack of worthwhile returns for the investment put in these biology students. Did that make sense? I'll just put it in another way, worded best by my former professor in UP Manila, Sedricke Lapuz (lol I just call him Sed now, so weird, happy birthday to him btw!) "I feel cheated that my students are going to medicine." Can you blame him? He put his time and effort into teaching skills (this was during plant developmental biology) that he knows most of us aren't going to use, thus benefiting neither the students, nor the department, nor the field as a whole.

Of course, perhaps I'm making a hasty generalization. I did come from UP Manila, the health sciences center of the Philippines, and honest to God you can't study there without inculcating any knowledge about health. Even the BA programs get a glimpse of health one way or another, either through health policy or through their psychology cognates. The campus breathes health sciences (as it should) and thus even the biology program there has a slant towards health and preparation for medicine. Our comparative anatomy is far from comparative, focusing directly on mammals (a human analogue). Our physiology? General physio, but with a slant towards human physiology, hell our references are for human physiology. Our electives? Immunology, histology, radiation biology and parasitology. Gee, I wonder what they're for.

Because of the slant of our curriculum, as well as the whole notion of biology as a premed, it makes you wonder.... What if I don't go to med? Where do I go? What career can I pursue? Will I be able to have a satisfying life knowing that I didn't pursue the tried and tested path of medicine? Will there be any regrets? Will you look on towards your other peers who pursued medicine and think "That could be me right now"?

Right now I'm in that position in my life. Due to financial constraints, I've been unable to go to medicine for this year. At first the thought completely destroyed me. I felt so left behind. I felt like such a failure, such a disappointment to my family and friends. I felt that I had these extremely high expectations of me, and that I was not meeting them. I will not deny that I pursued biology for medicine, and though I gave a sour-grape reason for choosing it ("If I don't go to med, I wouldn't want to be in the health sciences at all, since there's no way I'm going to be working under someone who's doing something that I'd rather be doing anyway"), it was only because I never saw myself, not in a million years, not being a doctor. Because of this, I never really grasped the possibility of other careers in biology.

At this point in time, I'm working at the Mind Museum. I must say the job is an amazing job, and I'm extremely grateful that I was given this opportunity. I was such an emotional wreck a few months ago, and this job has given me hope for some sort of security, if only temporarily. The pay is amazing for a starting job, this month I'm taking home around 20,000 with tax already taken off. My benefits are superb, with insurance plans, medical allowances, free annual check ups, and a generous number of leaves at my disposal. The work environment is amazing, as the "family-centered" vibe of the museum makes everything cheerful, and the intelligence of my peers keeps thing perennially interesting.

However, one can see from the get go that this job is not for the long term. There's no sense of growth and promotion in our foundation, as evident in our job titles. We're pretty much stuck here, with no prospect of advancement through the firm, since the structure of our organization is very....horizontal. We already answer directly to our boss, with no one in between us, and it's not like we're replacing her any time soon. So where does that lead us? Sure we get our pay rises and additional benefits as the years go by, and sure we get our awesome perks, like the free food we get ever so often, and the potential to travel abroad for our ASPAC conferences. But then what? I trained four years to pursue "science" and though we are in the "science" field, we aren't exactly doing "science" per se, if one associates science with the pursuit of new knowledge. We're merely on the "popular science" aspect of the picture, making it more accessible, palatable and ultimately digestible to the general populace, hoping to inspire people to appreciate science, and hopefully pursue the field in the future. It's a good calling, but if I was going to do that, I would have pursued education instead, cause isn't that the point of that course? Most, if not all of my colleagues either are taking masters right now or have it in mind for the long term, with the prospect of pursuing academe or research as their main career thrusts in the future.

This leads me to my dilemma. Where should I go from here? The next three years encompasses the time period when I'll have to decide what I want to do with my life. I have to think as early as now since the decision is an extremely heavy and pivotal step in the direction of my life. Once I pursue one track, I feel like it'll be too late to rewind and start again. I've wanted medicine since I was a little boy, as evidenced by my previous blog entries on the matter. But I've grown to love biology with all of my heart for the past few years in undergraduate school, and the influences of my colleagues at work have also slowly inculcated the prospect of pursuing higher biology studies in the future. The past few days at the "Ospital ning Angeles" have shown me the dreary and awful side of medicine, and all of its [un]glamorous glory. Yet it has also shown me the dire need of people who have a passion to serve the people and make a difference in our society, since it is clear that there will always be a need for doctors and other health professionals in our country.

But here's the kicker. I've always seen myself as a smart guy. Call it arrogant if you will, but growing up as the "smart kid" on the block (until UP anyway) has always made me passionate about pursuing something that "others" wouldn't dare touch. Growing up, I thought medicine or law were fields like that (and honestly they are). But being open to the field of scientific research, you start to realize how much harder that track is, and how much more in need we are of people like that. I mean, the production of new knowledge? Where would we be in terms of health, agriculture and technology if the scientists who put us here today never existed? It's such a fascinating and fulfilling prospect, and slowly it's been calling out to me. In particular, the lack of ethology, paleontology and systems biology tracks for higher education and the disregard of the evolutionary thrust in the biology curricula of the country clearly show a knowledge gap that is in dire need of filling. These issues dwell on my passions about biology, and if I were to pursue biology as my career of choice, I'd want to be in these fields.The fields are so fascinatinggggggg. Not to mention they take me closer and closer to some sort of existential fulfillment, as they take me closer to that every lingering question "How did we get here?". Such a wonder. To study these fields would entail going abroad though, since as I said, they don't have that shit here. Oh life.

It's always been tempting for me to be the different guy, to be the one to take the road less travelled by, and to hopefully make a difference where there is much need for it. Martyr/messiah complex? Maybe, UP has taught me to do that, not to mention how my family brought me up as some sort of "messiah" for the family. Fuck. Well, I have three years to decide, and I hope it gets clearer as the days go by, and hopefully sooner, rather than later. Hahahaha. I'm just glad that my life is always interesting, eh?

On the UPCAT

I'd like to apologize for the lack of activity on this blog for the past few weeks. A lot of things have been going in my life which have prevented me from being as verbal as I would usually be given the ample amount of free time. Today marks the end of hopefully one of the last hell weeks I shall experience in my undergraduate life. It's been a crazy few days, marked by exams plus the continuation of our thesis protocol, and though thesis is still not done, I'm grateful that my other academic requirements are sorted out so at least I can focus on things one at a time again.

But first, let's talk about something that really piqued my interest last weekend. The University of the Philippines College Admission Test (or UPCAT) results for those who took it in August 2012 has finally been released last Saturday, which I'm sure caused thousands of students to rejoice, and tens of thousands more heartbreaks among the Filipino student body. I know my statement seems hyperbolic, I mean it's just one school among thousand others in the country. But UP is a special university. The University of the Philippines is considered to be the undisputed, peerless, national university in our country. Those who enter (and leave, after much suffering) the University are considered to be the ultimate cream of the crop of our country. This, coupled with the fact that it is cheaper than Ateneo de Manila and De La Salle, makes it the ideal choice for those who want the best education they can possibly get this side of Asia.

I remember when I first took the UPCAT on August 2, 2008. I overslept, which means I had to go to the testing center in UP Clark without showering. I arrived there just as the queue was starting to dissipate, thus, I crept behind and fell in line right at the end. We ended up taking our exam in the Library, where it was made into a makeshift testing center strewn with dozens and dozens of cheap mono bloc arm chairs. At least it was cold. I couldn't really remember the test questions that well, but there were two things that were extremely vivid for me. The first was the difficulty I had in taking the mathematics portion of the UPCAT, which can be attributed to my atrocious background on maths in high school. The second thing that struck me was the shock that I received upon turning the page and discovering that more than half of the reading comprehension portion would be in Filipino (sigh). I eventually left the testing center around 12 NN, and slowly walked through Clark, depressed, eating the sandwiches Mom eagerly prepared for me to eat during the test. I never anticipated the fact of passing the UPCAT, for me the examination was way out of my league and I truly felt like I was unworthy to enter the University and be deemed an "Iskolar ng Bayan". Not to mention the fact that I deliberately put quota courses on my application form, banking on the notion that "If it's meant for me, it's meant for me" (I believe it was BS Biology and BS Nursing for UP Manila, while I put BS Biology and BS Chemistry in UP Diliman, hah). Fate eventually dictated things differently however, and taking this exam would change my life permanently.

It was around February when I found out my UPCAT results. A week prior to the release, I already discovered online that I passed the University of Santo Tomas Entrance Test (or USTET), with both my choices up and ready, namely BS Biology and BS Nursing. I was fully psyched to go to Manila now, I didn't even bother taking the local AUFCAT (Angeles University Foundation... you get the picture). I was chilling at my friend Ron's house when I suddenly opted to check the UPCAT application form page. After numerous refreshes and many gritted teeth, I eventually saw my name of the website. 2009-16678, ROZEE, WILLIAM DEREK F. MANILA. BS BIOLOGY. You can imagine the ecstasy I was feeling then. I passed my first choice on my first campus! Talk about a dream come true. It took me a few weeks to eventually persuade my mother to allow me to go to Manila, and eventually she succumbed to my desires. We went to Manila around March to confirm my slot in UP Manila and to retrieve my recognition certificate from the Department of Immigration. I first saw UPM. It was underwhelming, and extremely bleak, but oddly enough it had a cozy vibe that just felt right for me. The campus, though not the lush beauty of UP Diliman, was still better than any of the surrounding schools in the vicinity. Seeing all the health science majors all around me also caused me to be more excited as well, causing me to finally realize "damn, I'm going to a premed, I'm preparing to be a doctor". Oh what bliss.

Long story short, now I'm hear looking back on when I first entered the University. It's rather melancholic, considering I was expecting to be here for around 5 years longer. Alas, that seems to not be the case anymore, and after this March I shall say goodbye to my dear UP Naming Mahal. I shall truly, truly, deeply miss you UP, you're one of the most important things that has ever happened to my life, and I'll never forget all the bittersweet moments you and I had together. To pass UP was a privilege that only so few can ever achieve, and I'm truly grateful that I was able to experience your majesty, if only ever so briefly. Thank you so much.

To pass the UPCAT is an honor. But it is not only that, it is also a privilege, and to attain that privilege, one must pay for it. You won't pay in cash (some will argue that you will but it's relative), but you'll pay with your soul. Why's that? You will never be the same once you enter the university, I guarantee it. And as an Iskolar ng Bayan, you have to give back what you gained in UP to those that need it most, Filipino people. UP isn't only a training ground for the best and brightest. It's also a training ground for the future heroes of the country, those who use their smarts for the betterment and development of our dear nation. To the new Iskolar ng Bayans, seize this once in a lifetime opportunity. Why UP? Simple. You'll never be the same, but you'll never be better either. ;)

I'll continue my tirade another time. I've been sleep deprived for days and I must catch up on shut eyes, or else I'll gain weight. Lol. I hope to talk about med school as well as the concept of a hell week.

Hwyl!